Virgin Diaries Is The Real American Horror Story

It’s hard enough for me to understand two people falling in love and vowing to save sex for after marriage, but if that’s the way they were brought up or it’s the easiest way for them to repress their flaming gayness (which is really what I think they must be doing), fine. The ones who save KISSING each other for after marriage are in for a downward spiral of wedded hell and if you don’t believe me, just watch this preview for TLC’s The Virgin Diaries:

I mean, what happens when you say “I do” and then realize that the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with is a horrifically bad kisser? I had to squint while trying to get the youtube url to post in here because I couldn’t stand the thought of watching them maw on each other any longer. (Thanks to Eric “they look like two birds trying to eat bread together” for the tip. Also, eff you for the tip).

The Ghost of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez Lives With Us

Mah boo and I have both felt as though we were in tune with some supernatural forces from the time we were very young. For me, it’s usually been dreaming about scenarios and conversations that would eventually take place pretty much verbatim. It’s always kind of freaked me out because I never know which of my dreams will end up taking place in reality, but thankfully it doesn’t happen often enough to where I start pimping my services out on a bad daytime talk show.

This morning, for no reason at all, I woke up at 5:30 with TLC’s song and video for “Unpretty” in my head and it wouldn’t leave. The part of the video that kept repeating in my head was when Left Eye started doing the sign language for their lyrics. When MB (mah boo) got up at 6:30, she looked at me and said, “For some reason I have that ‘Waterfalls’ song in my head.” So…I think it’s totally reasonable to assume that the ghost of TLC’s Lisa “Left Eye Lopez” is hanging out in our condo. Of all the ghosts that could be hanging out here, I guess she’s a pretty good one as long as she stays away from our fireplace.

Speaking of “Unpretty”, that’s a tough look Mel C. Tough. Look.

On another weird note, when I went looking for a picture of Left Eye, I found that there are a lot of people who think her death had something to do with the Illuminati. Should I take cover?