What I’m about to show you is probably something no one should ever have to witness. That being said, you should totally check it out. The man below bears an odd resemblance to Perez Hilton while his dance moves came straight from the Buffalo Bill “I’d fuck me” ballet academy.

For anyone who thinks I’m only picking on him because he’s fat, you couldn’t be further from the truth. I am picking on him because he man-handles his own moobs and proceeds to kiss them while cupping them. Obviously I’m jealous because I can’t (or really won’t) do that to my own lady lumps. I need a drink.