A Comedy of Errors: NYC Week 1 Done

My first week has been a real eye-opener to say the least. It has also been a bit physically painful and if any of you are thinking of buying me a Hanukkah present, you may want to think about getting me some elbow pads, a helmet and fire-retardant clothing.

My belongings finally arrived late Monday night and it’s safe to say there is a very good reason I was able to get it all here so cheaply. The boxes I had used looked like they had been used as a homeless person’s vacation home in New Jersey for the past week and a half. Thankfully everything inside was pretty much ok and my futon bed and table lamp shade were the only things that didn’t quite remain as in tact as before the move. The last box was dropped off around 8pm and I finished putting everything away and figuring out how to set up my room only 2 beers and five hours later. When you see the room you’ll probably wonder why it took so long – but it’s because it was all about trial and error. Oh, and also because I found out my bed doesn’t fit length-wise from wall to wall and I found that out the hard way. Also, since it is a futon and there is a small chance I will want to use it as a couch at some point (you know, for a swank dinner party in my bedroom or an album listening party??), I had to make sure the back end of the couch was in the right place. It hadn’t been – so I had to lift it up all the way until it seemed as though I was doing an awkward dance with the most drunk person in the room. Finally, I gave her a little dip – I may have made some marks in the hardwood floors but won’t know until the day comes when I move out of this room.

​In case you’re wondering: Yes, my across the street neighbors did get some awesome views for the first week. I finally bought a retention rod and an embarrassingly sheer window curtain yesterday so that it at least looks like I have some kind of TV censor blurring out my bits.

Here is the other side of the room because I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seat in anticipation wondering what it looks like:

Where the sleeping happens

Robyn hair interlude:

konichiwa bitches

Last Saturday, my friend/roomie Michelle got back from her flight attendant duties catering to people to and from Geneva, Switzerland. Instead of going to sleep when she made it home, we did some day drinking – just how I like it. Check out beard man in the background. He is very serious about this photo bomb and I’m a little confused about his hands. Is he flicking us off? Is he holding something? What would he look like if he shaved?

Aint no dog like a B.U. dog

When we left beard man we took a stroll through the West Village and stumbled upon a cellist playing on the corner of two side streets. I found out that Michelle loves the cello as much as I love cello and violin. This is great news because we really aren’t very classy ladies but then we go and flip the script by loving those strings.

Oh, here’s the kitchen!

oven nemesis

See that oven in the background? That is my new nemesis. More on that later.

Tuesday night I had a movie screening to cover for AfterEllen and because I was afraid of being lost, I decided to go find some WiFi early in the day at a place close to the theater. After spending a lot of time and too much money at a tea & wine shop to do my work, I ventured out to find some food before the movie started. I passed by a bar with open windows playing some hot jams from the jukebox and noticed they had happy hour specials on drinks and food – so I wandered in. It turns out, it was a gay bar – or at least most of the patrons and the bartender were gay. I sat down and gave my order when a Kanye song came on and the woman next to me said something about Chicago so I chimed in and asked if she was from there. She was – so I told her about my recent move and BOOM – new friend who I will be watching the Bears game with this Sunday. Some of you know this already but for those of you who don’t, my last purchase in Chicago about two hours before heading to the airport was a Bears jersey. It turns out I’m turning into one of those lesbians and Da Bears will always be a little piece of home in my heart.

The woman, Karen, moved out to Brooklyn a few years ago and works as an Account Executive for Nike. She’s a big fan of House music so we had a lot to talk about. When it was time, I said my goodbyes and walked to the theater and sat through what might have been one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life. I took notes in the dark but most of them ended up being things like, “Seriously, WTF?!” “Really? How in the hell did they go from that to that?” “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!” I didn’t even wait for the lights to come up before I grabbed my bag and left. When I got outside, it was raining kind of hard and for the first time in my life, I brought an umbrella with me. Unfortunately, when I was going down the steps of the subway and trying to put my handy umbrella away, I ended up slipping down the steps and fell right on my ass and left forearm. If I had seen myself fall there is no doubt in my mind that I would have peed my pants in laughter. Instead, I got up and waited for my train while trying to play it cool.​

You can’t really see how bruised it is but trust me, that shit is not pretty. To add insult to injury, I was trying to be responsible by baking the chicken I had purchased a few days earlier so that I’d have easily accessible food on hand instead of going out to eat. Well, remember that oven? It’s cute enough but there is a hidden metal thing in the middle of it which, unless you’re Sylvia Plath, you would never have reason to see. When I went to grab my chicken, I got branded by whatever that thing is.

Burn baby burn

Awesome. Other than that, I was part of a round-table interview with Penny Marshall yesterday and it seemed like she hates doing things like round-table interviews. She was nice enough though and definitely made me laugh a few times. Mostly, she quoted a lot of things from her new book in between taking puffs from an electronic cigarette. Later in the night, Michelle, her sister Christina and I went to a ladies night party in the Flat Iron District. One thing I’ve been very surprised about in New York is that when the ladies see something they want or see someone they want to dance with, they just go ahead and grab it. I could not have been more surprised when we walked through the door and I was almost immediately grabbed and danced with by a Miranda Kerr-lookalike. The only thing more surprising was finding out how young she ended up being. So, add ID checker to my Hanukkah present list too, ok?

It was a fun time though and I danced like no one knew who I was – because they didn’t and it was great! I’m gearing up for week 2 of adventures and with any luck, there won’t be any more bruises, burns, breaks, scars (emotional or otherwise).

xoxo,

ChubbyJones

6 thoughts on “A Comedy of Errors: NYC Week 1 Done

  1. I came to your blog from Twitter, and I’m loving your stories about moving. I’ve spent most of my life in DC, but New York is totally my girlfriend, so it’s always fun to see someone take the chance and move there. Wishing you tons of luck, and way less painful household/subway incidents.

    • That one doesn’t actually work. Our real one is stacked next to the fridge and for some reason the door won’t open to the washer and my clothes are just chillin in a bit of water :(

  2. Hi! Welcome to NYC, so glad to have you. You appear to have a washing machine in your kitchen which makes me equally excited to have you here and jealous of the ease in which you can wash your clothes. I’m petty like that. Also, Penny Marshall and I have the same book editor, so I feel some sort of silly kinship with the fact that you got to hang out with her.

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